Friday, June 24, 2016

5K Training...Day One

It's been a long time since I wrote about me. I am mostly writing this as a form of therapy, but also with the hope that you, dear reader, will have encouraging words and kind advice.

Physicality has never been my strong suit. My entire life I have steered clear of anything where I would be exposed for the out of shape loser I thought myself to be. I thought if I pretended to hate sports, to hate being active, maybe no one would ever find out. Maybe they'd never know that I get breathless walking up a hill to class, they'd never find out that I can't run for longer than a minute. If I never participated, they'd never know.

This manner of thinking held me back. In high school when my friends played in the Powder Puff football game, I stayed home. My freshman year of college I tried to reinvent myself and I played soccer with some friends, but when I attempted to play my best, it wasn't good enough and they never passed me the ball, so I reverted.

Today I did something I never thought I'd do. I went running. Everyone who knows me was shocked by the decision I made to train for a 5k. I knew it would be hard on me physically. I prepared myself for the sore muscles and tired feet, but I had no idea how hard it would be for me mentally and emotionally.

Day one of the Couch Potato to 5k program. A 30 minute workout with interval running, run for one minute, walk for the next, and so on. When I read this yesterday I thought, "I can do that, heck, I can do more than that!" I grossly overestimated myself. I finished running the first minute and thought, "You are a fool, you cannot do this. You are weak. You have always been weak." I pushed past my thoughts to continue, and finish, my first day of training. But I came home defeated. I felt weak, embarrassed and foolish. All of my old insecurities came back.

I cried, I wallowed in self pity. I allowed my husband into my deepest, scariest, most vulnerable place and he brought light. He reminded me of who I am, of what I have already done. He expressed how proud of me he is and that he will be there for every step of this journey.

I would like to report that something has clicked between then and now, that I was able to take those insecurities and thoughts from my head and hide them in Pandora's Box, never to be opened, but sadly, that has not happened. However, I have been rallied behind and lifted up by my sweet husband and my wonderful parents. I have looked into my baby's eyes and remembered that I am creating a legacy of health and wellness for my daughter. I have recommitted to myself to keep going, to keep pushing, because come September I will be running my first 5k.

It won't be easy. I have 24 years of mental roadblocks to run over, but I can do it. I am capable. I will be strong. My body can do and has done amazing things. With the support of my family, and hopefully you, I know I can accomplish my goals.

2 comments:

  1. Girl I totally understand everything you are saying! I promise it does get easier. If I can do it, you can absolutely do it. I never thought I would be able to run a 5k without stopping to walk and I have multiple times now. You have to start slow and steady and listen to your body. I walked all the time when I first started running and slowly your body catches up and you are able to do more.
    I am so proud of your decision to start running and for setting an awesome goal for yourself. Let me know if you have any questions about this whole running deal. I'm no expert, but I've been through all the struggles of being a brand new runner. :)

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  2. You can totally do this! And once it's a habit, you'll feel even more empowered!!! Soon you'll see it will mentally destress you and not over stress you!
    I have always been about sports and physical activity but the whole motherhood thing has thrown that off. So i am too trying to learn to get back on the horse! We can do it and I'm glad you have the support of your parents and hubby!

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